The Marriage Trap: Gamophobia in a Psychological Lens

Friend 1: “Sach mei yaar. Single life mei hi sakoon hay.”

Friend 2: “Haan bilkul. Suna nahi kitnay humaray dost na’khush hogaye hein apni commitments ke baad? Lagta hay nahi unhay ke “azaadi” aur “apni marzi” ke naam ki koi cheez kabhi hoti bhi thi aik arsay phelay.”
Friend 3: “Ufff, ye sab sun ke tou ab dar hi lagta hay “relationships” ke alfaz se.”

All three in unison: “Shaadi aik azaab hay. Aqalmand us se jitna door hi rahey, utna behtar hay!”

With the winter chills finally setting in; wedding bells are in the air, and the desi shaadi season is upon us. From memes covering life post-matrimony, news headlines about intimate partner violence, and stories about the patterns of marriage life within our family and friends, Gamophobia is a social phenomenon spreading widely amongst the masses.

Overview 

Gamophobia, or the fear of marriage or commitment, is derived from the Greek word gamos, or marriage. Individuals who carry this fear are chronically reserved about entering into relationships; even contemplating the idea of marriage or long-term unions makes them feel guarded. Instead, they hop from one casual hookup to the next.

Note: Gamophobia is an interpersonal tendency. It is not a diagnosis and it is not listed in the DSM V-TR.

How Gamophobia Affects you?

People with Gamophobia, may:

• unable to form lasting intimate relationships.

• Experience extreme anxiety when in a relationship and constantly worry about it ending.

• Feel anxiety when they see a happily committed couple.

• Push people away or end relationships abruptly. 

Risk Factors

• Family history: Growing up with a parent or loved one who has a phobia or anxiety disorder may lead you to develop the same or similar fears.

• Biological sex: People designated female at birth (DFAB) tend to develop specific phobic disorders more often than those designated male at birth (DMAB).

• Genetics: Preliminary research suggests that certain people have a gene change (gene mutation) that increases their risk for anxiety or phobic disorders.

Causes

Genetics and Family Influences:  Research suggests that genetics plays a part in the onset of phobias and other anxiety conditions. Inherited traits may make a person more prone to this fear, but attitudes learned through family influences might also play a part.

Insecure Attachment Styles: Children raised by responsive caregivers are more likely to form secure attachment styles, while children who don't have their needs met are more likely to develop an insecure style. 

Negative Experiences: For some people, negative or traumatic experiences in the past can contribute to an intense fear of commitment. 

Cultural Context: Certain cultures arrange marriages without taking love and other emotions into consideration. In South Asia specifically, the prevalence of lifetime intimate partner violence is 35% higher than the global average. The reasons are complex and include a combination of socio-economic structures, patriarchal attitudes, and prevalent social norms that define gender roles. (Sardinha & Catalán, 2018)

Symptoms

Gamophobia can lead to both physical, emotional, and behavioral symptoms. .

• Impending feelings of doom

• Choking sensations

• Nausea and dizziness

• Chest pain

• Excessive sweating (hyperhidrosis)

• Rapid heart palpitations

• Shortness of breath(dyspnea).

• Trembling/ shaking.

• Upset stomach/ indigestion (dyspepsia).

To Overcome Gamophobia:

Treatment

CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy): 

A form of psychotherapy where the underlying cause of the thoughts that make you fear commitment are identified. An individual with gamophobia then learns to replace their negative thoughts with more positive cognitions. You also learn how to best communicate with your loved ones about this phobia.

Exposure Therapy: 

Exposure therapy is a treatment that helps people gradually become more comfortable with relationships and commitment by overtime exposing them to the source of their fear. This is also paired with relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, visualization, and progressive muscle relaxation (PMR).

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): A type of therapy that involves focusing on trauma while engaging in bilateral eye movements. It may be effective in cases where symptoms of gamophobia are connected to past traumatic experiences.

Medications (a last resort): In some cases, medications may be useful if other mental conditions such as co-occurring anxiety or depression are also present. In most scenarios, these medications will be used alongside some form of psychotherapy.

Coping with Gamophobia

• Recap your history

• Ponder about your needs

• Journal

• Give Relaxation Strategies a go

Conclusion: 

Commitment-phobic people are not always honest with themselves, and if they are in a relationship, they may not be honest with the other person, either. It may help to pinpoint the root cause—a fear of abandonment, negative beliefs about relationships, or other sources. In addition, being exposed to healthy relationships can be a helpful example of role modeling. Being open and honest will promote security and stability. A therapist can also help a person overcome their fears.