Aromatic? Isn’t That Just Someone With an Avoidant Attachment Style?

There are so many terms to describe relationships and relationship dynamics between people nowadays. An interesting term is ‘aromantic’. So what is ‘aromaticism’? As the name suggests a lack of romantic affinity or an aversion to it. 

No, that does not mean ‘aromanticism’ as some genre of literature and art. In a way it does embody all the opposite of romanticism in literature entails. An aversion to the idea of butterflies and fireworks. The cynicism towards ‘happily ever after’ and ‘made for each other’. 

So, it is a term to describe a certain type of ‘romantic orientation’. This orientation views all things romantic to be undesirable. So, people that would really want ‘romance is dead’ to be a reality. Why would someone want that? Well, that’s because some individuals consider such involvement to diminish feelings toward the partner (Van Houdenhove et al., 2015a)

From a scientific perspective aromatic people are individuals ‘who do not experience romantic attraction’ (Carvalho, A.C., Rodrigues, D.L. 2022). 

The same study suggested that aromatic people reported a more avoidant attachment style. Does that mean this has more to do with individual perspectives, relationships, concerns about commitment, and attachment style?

So why would you no longer feel attracted towards someone that shows a keen interest in you? Does that not sound like an issue with healthy emotional attachment? Where healthy emotional expression is viewed as ‘needy’, ‘draining’, and undesirable. Additionally, these people are emotionally distant in a relationship. So, on the nose with that assumption? Not quite. This has nothing to do with sabotaging companionship because of a lack of healthy emotional modeling. 

Aromantic people can rely on a partner and open up to them, unlike people with an avoidant attachment style. They tend to have fewer relationships (Antonsen et al., 2020), unlike people with an avoidant attachment style that jumps from one casual situation to another. They are just averse to romance really. 

While their issues do seem similar and can be confused and even argued to be the same, there is no research that examines if someone’s attachment style differs depending on their romantic orientation.

However, aromanticism and romanticism, or romantic orientation centers around emotional intimacy and physical intimacy. On the other hand, attachment styles have to do with psychological intimacy. 

What is Attachment Style?

Attachment style is the particular manner in which people relate to other people. This determines how you relate to a partner in intimate relationships. This is based on how you were taught to relate to others by your parents as children. Attachment style is formed at the very beginning of your life, and once established, it stays with you, unless deliberately changed. 

“Experiences with guardians or significant figures such as parents in childhood leads to the development of relatively stable internal dynamic models (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007) that determine experiences and outcomes in romantic relationships (Shaver & Hazan, 1987, 1988).”

In science (social science really), attachment style can be evaluated along two independent dimensions, i.e. avoidance and anxiety. 

“Avoidance is defined by discomfort with psychological intimacy and the desire to maintain psychological independence from the other person. While, anxiety is defined by the need for care and attention, and uncertainty about the responsiveness of the other person (Brennan et al., 1998; Simpson & Rholes, 2017).”

If your attachment style lacks both these dimensions, then you have a secure attachment style. Meaning you enjoy high-quality romantic relationships. That’s something people that don’t have a secure attachment style lack. So, people with an ‘insecure attachment style’—either high on avoidance, anxiety, or both—experience doubts about the relationship and tend to adopt defensive strategies in their interactions with romantic partners (Fraley & Shaver, 2000; Mikulincer et al., 2003). 

This avoidance and anxiety means their interactions with a partner are driven by a fear of intimacy. So avoidant individuals maximize emotional distance and psychological independence in attempts to maintain ‘autonomy and control’. They fear and avoid closeness and intimacy, and try not to have long-term relationships. 

On the other hand, aromantic people seek emotional intimacy over physical or romantic intimacy. 

With all this confusion, aromantic people don't feel ‘othered’ and misunderstood. Of course they do! Then there are studies that explore whether aromantic people feel like they belonged to anyone or mattered to anyone. 

When there is such a huge gap to be misunderstood, some people still are resilient and manage to find community. How they view the world through their identities is another research topic on its own. So next time someone describes themselves as such, just try to understand their need for emotional attachment.