The Unanswered Question of a Woman’s Worth

From the moment of birth, when the pink little blanket swaddles over her, to the moment of death, when the white shroud covers her, the question of worth follows her like a shadow, mostly haunting and sometimes empowering, but always present. From first breath to last breath, at each stage of life, from childhood to adulthood, from adulthood to the old hood, and through various roles like daughter, sister, wife, mother, and as a professional, she is confronted with societal expectations and personal struggles that influence how she perceives their value. In each phase of life, on each path of her journey, with each step towards her destination, societal expectations come her way over her sense of self, leaving her with a lingering question about her value. The question of worth becomes engraved in her being!

When a girl opens her eyes to the world, everyone expresses happiness, but with the notion that she is a benediction. Superficially, she is being called a benediction, but deep down, it means a burden. Such expressions during infancy begin to cast doubt on her worth. Then, in her childhood, she is given kitchen play sets and dolls as toys to reinforce the idea that she is a girl and that playing with these items is what gives her dignity. Since playing with guns and cars goes against every social convention, she is not permitted to do so. The seed of self-doubt is sown in her in the early years of life, and it keeps on growing bigger and bigger—first a seedling, then a plant, and finally a tree.

When a girl opens her eyes to the world, everyone expresses happiness, but with the notion that she is a benediction. Superficially, she is being called a benediction, but deep down, it means a burden. Such expressions during infancy begin to cast doubt on her worth. Then, in her childhood, she is given kitchen play sets and dolls as toys to reinforce the idea that she is a girl and that playing with these items is what gives her dignity. Since playing with guns and cars goes against every social convention, she is not permitted to do so. The seed of self-doubt is sown in her in the early years of life, and it keeps on growing bigger and bigger—first a seedling, then a plant, and finally a tree. As she transitions into adolescence, the interrogation of her worth intensifies. Her reflection in the mirror becomes a battleground. Is she thin or fat? Fair or dark? Pretty or ugly? Tall or short? The strain of living up to social norms regarding behavior and appearance becomes too much to handle. Her popularity and looks start to determine how worthy she is. She wonders, “Will they like me?” She could experience judgment from others, tight expectations, and comparisons with others, believing that her worth is derived only from compliance and conformity.

Young adulthood brings new challenges for her. The woman steps onto the treadmill of achievement. The issue of career comes across in what subjects she opts for, her degree, and her profession. “Will she become a doctor?” Or she should have a profession according to her delicacy. She can’t be an athlete, and she can’t be in a profession that requires physical strength. She is asked, “Will you be able to do this? Can she navigate the professional world with her voice competing against a chorus of male counterparts? At the workplace, she meets gender biases, unequal pay and struggle for respect. If she goes for higher studies like a Ph.D. or a career abroad, she is questioned, “If you are going to do this, when will you get married?” The pressure to balance personal aspirations with societal expectations of marriage expands the complexity. 

Late adulthood ushers in a new set of weights. At this stage of life, if she is not married, she is not accepted as a successful individual, even if she has conquered the world. People come for the marriage proposal and reject her based on her appearance or her profession. Their stinging remarks about her personality make her feel worthless. She feels insulted and asks herself, “Am I not worthy of getting a marriage proposal?" If married by chance, then, “Is she a good wife, a supportive partner?” “Is she good in domestic roles?”If she cooks well or not. She may feel devalued as a result of traditional gender norms, which can also damage her sense of self. If she is divorced, she is held responsible for this. She often faces piercing comments like “She didn't deserve to be a wife," “She couldn’t handle a man and her house," and “She was flying high with her ambitions, so she destroyed her relationship.”

Motherhood, a whirlwind of love and exhaustion, motherhood turns into yet another task. Her sleepless nights, her constant self-sacrifice, and her physical and emotional changes are ignored, and the judgmental stares ask, “Is she a good mother?” Does she provide perfect guidance, protection, and nurturing? “Will she be able to raise her kids in a good way?” The burden of responsibility makes the internal conflict more intense. Even though she plays various roles and wears multiple hats, the thought, “Am I worthy?" persists. 

As old age brings wisdom, it also brings the question, “What is your worth now?” Even on her deathbed, she wonders, “Will anyone remember me?” Throughout her life, she strives to answer, “Do I have all the qualities of a good woman?” She dies searching for her worth, the question “Am I worthy enough?” remaining unanswered. She works like an unpaid worker for her family, her worth reduced to a reference in a man’s abuses.