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Drama Triangle: Saves the Dance

Drama Triangle: Saves the Dance
Published On: 29-Mar-2021
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What if I tell you that in our lives, we all have some positions, or in simple words we all are part of a ‘drama triangle’. The term attracts many as they would think to get a major role in the drama and become famous celebrities, but they are unaware of the fact that they are already in it. Being the rookie to this term we must understand it, as we all are part of this triangular drama series.

Almost 40 years ago this “drama triangle” was developed by Stephen Karpman and is just as new to people as it was 40 years ago. It is a dynamic model of social interaction and conflict. Victim, rescuer and persecutor are the roles people unconsciously play, or try to manipulate other people to play. One must understand that these three roles of the drama triangle are archetypal and easily recognizable in their extreme versions in order to “save the dance”.

By now you must be presumptuous about the term, but don’t…. keep on reading to understand it. The three referred roles are played unconsciously.

Victim: “poor me!”

As the term refers, they are the people who see themselves as victimized, oppressed, powerless, helpless, hopeless, dejected, ashamed, and come across as “super-sensitive”; wanting kid-glove treatment from others. Additionally, they can deny any responsibility for their adverse circumstances and deny possession of the power to change those circumstances.

Rescuer: “Let me help you!”

They are the people who work hard to help other people to feel good about themselves, while neglecting their own needs or not taking responsibility for meeting their own needs.

But the twist in this role is that rescuers are co-dependent and enablers. They need victims to help and often can’t allow the victim to succeed or get better. They can use guilt to keep their victims dependent and feel guilty themselves if they are not rescuing somebody.

Persecutor: “It’s all your fault!”

They are characterized by criticizing and blaming the victim, they can be controlling, rigid, authoritative, angry and unpleasant. They keep the victim feeling oppressed through threats and bullying.

They think of themselves as can’t be flexible, can’t be vulnerable, can’t be human; they fear the risk of being a victim themselves. Persecutors yell and criticize but they don’t actually solve any problem or help anyone else solve the problem.

By now you must be able to recognize quite few of your encounters with many of these three types of people in your routine life. They can exist in your home, family workplace anywhere and everywhere.

Simple conversation between Mr. X and Mrs. Y can help you more.

Mr.X: I am so unhappy at work. I had another argument with A today. I just feel that it's never going to work out.

Mrs.Y: Why don't you speak to your supervisor? He could help.

Mr.X: Yeah, but it's not his problem, is it?

Mrs.Y: OK, well you could try.

Mr.X: Yeah, you can see me doing that...he's one of the problems.

Mrs.Y: How about writing to the MD? I'm sure he'd like to know what's going on in the workplace.

Mr.X: You don't get it, do you? If I did that, my supervisor would make my life a misery.

Mrs.Y: Well, why the hell are you talking to me about it then? You're obviously not in the slightest bit interested in actually solving the issue. You just want me to make all the concessions. You're always moaning.

Mr.X: You just don't pull your weight around here. You've never worked in all our years together. I don't know why I even bother talking to you about my problems.

Mrs.Y: That's not my fault. You know how difficult things have been for me since my mother died.

Mr.X: Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you... let's...

Oh go to hell. I cannot stand the way you always criticize me

Taking responsibilities as an adult and providing “Passive responses” like you may be right or I'm sorry you're... are the only practical ways to remove yourself from this triangle. Pay particular attention to your own roles and behaviour and see how you can begin to use the 'passive' response to avoid playing this exhausting and, ultimately, fruitless game.

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