Unhappy Couples

It’s our third wedding anniversary and even with a reminder on his phone that he should be home by 6pm in the evening it’s midnight, all the guests left because he didn’t show up. Is it normal to invite people at home to celebrate and then never show up? I have been asking myself this question since everyone left. Is it so hard to pick up the call and give a reasonable excuse? I am stunned to see this man who never even missed a morning text back then in all those five years of relationship, how much has he changed? Is this how marriage is supposed to work? Our first year of marriage was in high spirits, but then the world started falling apart. I have been unhappy for 2 years. I have tried talking to my husband… quite a lot of times, over the years about our relationship and it feels as if I were talking to a wall. He’s got temper issues and is always “right”, so I stopped talking to him. It put an end to the “temper” and following arguments. I feel very lonely and sad most of the time. He acts like everything is just superb even though he enthusiastically uses my insecurities against me, which is leading towards lack of self-confidence, he makes me feel as if I am not worth it. Today, again he made me feel like the most insignificant individual in his life and confidently, he would want to make it up by a mere ‘sorry, I had work to do’. I don’t know for how long I will be able to hold this fading marriage….

All strong relationships have three things in common, according to Meredith Hansen, psychologist and relationship expert: trust, commitment and vulnerability. “Trust allows a couple to know that their partner is there for them, truly cares about them, is coming from a good place, and supports them,” she said. What are the signs of a doomed connection? Why do people stay in them? How can you communicate to your significant other that you’re not content?

The three Cs to a stronger and connected relationship are communication, compromise, and commitment. To maintain intimacy and communication is essential to make a relationship work. One must not highlight or use insecurities of another as a weapon against them, instead, even in hostile situations: one must try to avoid a trigger. You might feel unappreciated or too small to your significant other. Many couples do things that cause hurt in a relationship, not because they are immoral, bad or egocentric, they hurt each other's feelings or emotional state without seeing it. An unhealthy relationship starts: 

When couples reach out for backing, they are over and over again in a difficult time of heightened conflict, betrayal, or disconnect. Space can also fix a relationship that's crumbling due to loss of individuality. Spending time apart can make your connection on the mend, Erickson says, because it gives you both a chance to reconnect with your own values, desires. 

One of the prime issues underlying an unhappy relationship is the lack of ability to really listen and hear each other. What most unhappy couples do is to communicate with an agenda; to convince their partners that they are wrong, to join partners in their own point of view, to sway the direction of the conversation, or otherwise accomplish some self-serving goal. This kind of conversation often breaks down into congestion or conversely bursts into anguish. Passive-aggressive behavior is an indirect way of voicing negative emotions where you do not communicate them directly. Instead of being overt about your anger or needs, you express them in a very passive manner. There’s hostility in this type of behavior, although it is often covert.

There are other possible reasons why people stay in unhappy relationships. Further research suggests that the silent majority with an anxious attachment style, who become excessively preoccupied with the stability of their relationships, might be deeply influenced by the fear of change.