Some Scars Are Never Gone!

Have you ever witnessed an eye-catching sight of dozens of balloons, of variant colors, floating in air? I am sure you already envisioned it, and quite frankly who would miss out on such a mesmerizing view. However, we consciously become unaware of the fact that it is the helium that is making all those balloons soaring high. As human beings, we are less likely to look beyond the surface, aren’t we? Today, almost 8 billion people are dwelling on this planet, but we seldom contemplate about the influences that make us a different individual; precisely like those balloons, with different dispositions, race, upbringing and cognitive abilities.

What if I tell you an open secret… that the human individuality is chiefly shaped up by our wounding. By wounding, I don’t mean the physical traumas or bruises, but the emotional scars which leave a colossal impact for the entire life. Some of your wounds are deeply rooted in your childhood (primary wounds), and stay with your soul till death. Interestingly, they manifest at every age, doesn’t matter in which corner of earth you go, you just cannot escape your wounds. They bring up different shades in your personality, and to be aware of them is of paramount significance. The pain and trauma caused by the wounds get repressed in the unconscious closet of your mind, but they keep yelling at every age through your body. Yes, you read that right! Our mind forgets, but the body is cunningly very sharp, storing the effect of it. It would regenerate the response at some or various occasions when you encounter any trigger (any familiar event or thing that hits the trauma nerve).

The primary wounding of individuals may vary; for instance, some may have abusive parents, some may internalize the bullying done by the perpetrators, or some might have experienced abandonment by their caregivers. Your wounds determine your psychological patterns in relation to others. For example, a person who was abandoned as a child by his/her primary caregiver, will go through the same amount of anxiety, panic and heaviness, as he/she had experienced in childhood. The fascinating part is, the triggering event should not necessarily be a supremely traumatic one; it could be, maybe just a goodbye to your cousin who leaves for their home, after staying at your place. Consequently, the person might face immense anxiety that could lead to a panic attack, which, on the other hand could be taken as a petty thing by the other people (since their wounding is different). Taking this instance forward, the person might also be unaware of the fire, the fire caused by the friction of conflicting thoughts after getting triggered: staying strong versus being anxious. This, as a matter of fact, leads to an unhealthy functioning, and can disturb overall physical and mental processes of the person.

The influence of the wounding is gigantic in the case of childhood sexual abuse, and it manifests horribly on the adult level. The person’s mind as a child might throw it away in the unconscious and become unaware of the incident (of course for the healthy functioning). However, the body summons the anxiety and pain after getting triggered in different forms, for instance, if the perpetrator was tall, the survivor adult may, unconsciously, find it hard to talk to, or generally get comfortable in the presence of tall people. 

These wounds and sufferings eventually define you, and the worst part is, that you can not do anything about your wounds. A mere thought of your wounds could fill you up with horror, you just need to generously accept them as they are. Even if you become aware of it, you can work on the acceptance part; it could heal but the scar may never be truly gone, it becomes a part of your existence. Empathy is the only food that you need throughout the journey. Another indispensable factor, apart from self-acceptance, is to find appropriate support for yourself, in the form of friends, family or a therapist who could provide you the holding, the holding you deserve. Every person on this planet is wounded, and we don’t know the struggles, pain and shrieks behind those smiling faces, then why don’t we get supportive of each other? Why don’t we gather to pat each other and make ourselves and others proud of their struggles?

Let’s do it. No one deserves to be wounded. The process of acceptance is not easy, let’s become the healing balm for ourselves and our fellows.