Parenting and Confidence - II

In the very initial period of life parent’s approachability and connection to their babies have an emotional and psychological impact on the development of self-confidence. This contributes significantly to the development of self-esteem and self-confidence. When parental involvement is limited, children usually receive negligible reflection or encouragement. As children mature, the dynamics in the parent-child relationships naturally change. They grow and develop, with growth and development comes their own preferences, views and with these preferences comes refusal, sometimes children refuse or seek to compromise with parental expectations. The parents here need to understand that it is not rebellion or misbehavior, just a whole being presenting their ideas and views, which need to be accepted by the parents above all. A parent’s acceptance of the child’s views, ideas and their approach of seeking pleasure at a child’s achievements is the platform through which a child endeavors out into the world. 

The self-esteem and self-confidence of children are highly affected by the over or under-involvement of the parents. It helps the child to know that their parents are there to support and provide them assistance practically and emotionally, parents also need to understand and know when to step back to allow their children to make decisions, struggle, fail and succeed. When parents accept their children’s views, give them space to fall and stand with their support; a balance is developed. This balance between providing provision and giving children the freedom to learn their own individual desires, strengths, and weaknesses is the basis of how children develop self-confidence.

Parental reflecting through early childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood communicates acceptance, acknowledgement, and admiration. This contributes significantly to the development of self-confidence.

What is the most psychologically damaging thing you can say to a child?

Karl Ngantcha added that saying nothing at all is the most psychologically damaging thing you can do to a child. He said: "By nothing I mean not talking, communicating or interacting with your child at all”

When do children develop confidence?

Most children develop a sense of self-esteem and self-confidence as early as the age of five.

What destroys a child's confidence?

Emotional abuse by parents happens when parents create fear or guilt in the child. Tempting them to become angry, disrespecting them through decreased words and actions, is emotional abuse. Inducing shame, fear, anger etc. will ruin the child's self-esteem and confidence.

Parenting mistakes that crush a child's confidence:

1.  Letting them escape responsibility

Doing age-appropriate duties helps them feel a sense of mastery and accomplishment.

2.  Preventing them from making mistakes

Preventing them from making mistakes deprives them of the opportunity to learn how to bounce back. Life’s a great teacher lets them learn on their own which will help them to build the mental strength they need to do better next time.

3.  Protecting them from their emotions

How the parent’s react to their children's emotions has a big influence on the development of their emotional intelligence and confidence. Provide your children with a structure that helps them explain how they feel so they’ll have an easier time dealing with those emotions in a socially appropriate way.

4.  Make allowances for a victim mentality

Neither host pity in-front of your children nor let them play the victim or exaggerate their misfortunes, encouraging them to take positive action; actions which would lead and teach them how to face the misfortunate events in life. Children who recognize their choices in life feel more confident in their ability to create a better future for themselves.

5.  Being overprotective

Protecting and keeping your child safe is one the basic duties of the parents, but if you don’t let your child go out of the protective bubble, it will do away with their expansion. Parents though, are the protectors, but instead of focusing on being a protector consider themselves as a guide.  Give your children the opportunity to gain confidence in their ability.

6.  Expecting perfection

When a child views expectations as too high, they might not even bother trying. High expectations are healthy, but expecting too much has its consequences. 

7.      Punishing, rather than disciplining

There’s a huge difference between discipline and punishment. Children indeed need to learn that some actions lead to serious consequences. In other words, discipline gives your child confidence that they can make smarter, healthier choices in the future, while punishment makes them think they’re incapable of doing any better.

Why are parenting styles important?

There are many other things that influence a child's development, well above all of them and the most important is the parenting or the parenting style the parents or a parent decide on to adapt. Researchers say it's important to ensure your parenting style is supporting healthy growth and development, because the way you interact with your child and how you discipline has a lifelong impact. Physical, sexual, or emotional abuse may be the most striking and overt causes of low self-esteem & low confidence. Being forced into a physical and emotional position against one's will can make it very hard to like the world, trust themselves or trust others, which profoundly impacts self-esteem and confidence.

Which parenting style is effective?

Authoritarian parenting styles generally lead to children who are obedient and proficient, but they rank lower in happiness, social competence, and self-esteem. Authoritative parenting styles tend to result in children who are happy, capable, and successful. Studies have found that authoritative parents are more likely to raise confident kids who achieve academic success, have better social skills and are more capable at problem-solving. In general, children tend to develop greater competence and self-confidence when parents have high-but reasonable and consistent- expectations for children's behavior, communicate well with them, are warm and responsive, and use reasoning rather than oppression to guide children's behaviors.