Gaslighting

“Gaslighting”  is a specific type of manipulation where the manipulator is trying to get someone else (or a group of people) to question their own reality, memory or perceptions. Gaslighting has always been a serious problem, but a taboo to talk about. Gaslighting is an abusive practice that causes someone to distrust themselves or to believe they have a mental illness.The long-term effects of gaslighting may include anxiety, depression, trauma, and low self-esteem. Gaslighting often appears in abusive relationships but also takes place in other contexts. It can happen at home, with friends, or in the workplace. It follows a typical pattern: one person will repeatedly gaslight another person, and it becomes an usual part of an uneven life.

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation where a victim is deliberately fed false information that makes them question reality. Harm is typically done when a victim gives cognitive authority to a gaslighter, but even when gaslighting techniques fail, they can cause harm.

Gaslighting in a relationship may look like:

1. Distracting With Compassion

Sugar Coating toxic situations in order to distract their partners from their feelings.  ‘I love you so much, and you know I’d never intentionally hurt your feelings?’  Unfortunately, this often causes their partners to feel like they’re overreacting.

2. Making Fun of Feelings

The one who is involved in gaslighting will call their loved ones overly sensitive, decisive, or dramatic. Get irritated or make fun of them when they cry or display other expressions. As a result, the emotionally manipulated partner often feels embarrassed.

3. Discounting Achievements

Gaslighting partners often feel scared and jealous of their partner’s success.

4. Denying Abuse

In cases of physical abuse, an abuser might deny what happened. They might persist, for example, that their partner tripped, fell, or hurt themselves in another way. They can be so convincing that the victim starts believing this version of the truth.

5. Withholding Information

Some gaslighting partners will play mind tricks on their loved ones by insisting they told them to do something when they never did. Then, they will get mad at their loved ones for forgetting.

Examples of Gaslighting Parents

Gaslighting parents typically tell children how they should feel. These toxic parents often shame, belittle, or discount their child’s experiences. Gaslighting parents might include:

6. Labeling the Child’s Feelings

Over time, these children may grow up suppressing their own emotions because they don’t believe anyone will listen or care. You’re not really hungry. You’re not that upset.

7. Denying the Truth

Gaslighting parents will transparently lie about certain situations. They might insist they never said something or that the child is making things up. They may pretend to have no idea what the child is talking about. This can cause children to question themselves and feel uncertain.

8. Questioning the Child’s Memory

A gaslighting parent will insist that only their version of the story is appropriate. As a result, children often feel invalidated about their experiences. You don’t remember what happened. Do you really believe I’d make this up?

9. Shifting Blame

Gaslighting parents will often blame the child for their own mistakes. They might insist that a certain issue wasn’t their fault or that the child somehow provoked it to happen.

10. Dismissing the Child’s Needs

Gaslighting parents are often cruel and vindictive. For example, they might make comments like, you’re so spoiled or why do you keep asking me for things? This leaves the child feeling like a burden and may exacerbate anxiety and depression.

Like other forms of psychological abuse, gaslighting can affect you even after you've cut ties from the person responsible. In fact, there are even a few long-term effects of gaslighting, from anxiety and depression to increased feelings of self-doubt and even PTSD. That being said, recovery is possible.