Boys Will Be Boys

Boys will be boys because they cannot be girls. Boys do what they see, most of the time they do so to be accepted and to maintain the social image of the very concept of masculinity associated with being a boy. Now the question arises in mind from where the child learns to be a boy?                                

Babies are born neutral, they learn to be a ‘boy’ with time and from its first institution we call ‘Family’ starting from there to school, society and so one becomes a boy or a girl. It implies that there's one way to be a boy, and one way to be a girl. Later on, it implies that there's one way to be a man, one way to be a woman, and no overlap in between. 

A male childs’ first example is set by his father or the elder male figures in the house. In our patriarchal society, I don’t really think I need to explain how the majority of authoritarian households work. How the role of man and woman are defined by the society, men till date in majority households are considered to be sole authority even if they are wrong and we women we have to follow because GOOD women do not argue or question and even if any of us do, all we get is a ‘HAW HAYE’ or death stare which is usually enough to never question again. Coming back to the point, now in a household where on the basis of sex or I would say the presence of chromosome “Y” a child is preferred over a girl child.

Since his childhood a boy is taught to be tough, and the criteria of toughness is no less than making your child an indifferent and insensitive being. Have you ever thought about the impact of harsh statements like “Mard ban” or “Boys don’t cry” leaves on a developing brain?  Being Insensitive and expressionless is the very definition of being a boy specifically if I talk of brown households. Flawed parenting, unfortunately couples in our society do not know how to be private more appropriately and how to solve matters privately without leaving a disturbing impression on the child. By being loud and abusive about petty issues, with verbal and physical abuse (the forms of abuse which are not really considered abuse and is a routine for couples). Being raised in a house where you have seen women being subjugated and men being the oppressors and to align with the traditional gender roles, there’s hardly an option to be anything other than a defined “boy” by the family and the society. 

After learning from the family comes the peer group, where to feel inclusive and belonging even if a boy wants to or does not, he has to play Gangsta. Aggression is accepted and appreciated. The more a boy displays a show of his testosterones, the more he is considered a man. They want to be the authority even with their intimate partners and girls initially accept that authority confusing it with love, but later it becomes hard to breathe when that false exhibition of love turns into possession, and most of the times we women accept it because acceptance and compromise is what we are taught since our childhood, yet many brave women stood up and still are struggling to not let this domination, dominate.

This disparity is not limited to just a country or state, it's a widespread misconduct which till date is not getting even close to a smooth path. All the gender based crimes are conducted to save the honor of the male members of the family, the one committing these crimes are the males of the family sacrificing their women to save their fragile manly ego to which they label as honor. I will not get into this debate but rape, honor killing, domestic violence, acid victims are everywhere around us, simply because this is a way of displaying the power of being a male/boy and above all they are not shown any other way of living, they have forgotten to be a human in order to be a boy. Our world is filled with horrible examples of boys being boys and getting away with their crimes because boys will be boys.

Empathetic men are not appreciated at some point even if women/girls would not want to be their partners considering them feminine, because the idea of a male is confused with toxic masculinity even for the girls as Morally Grey Men are the new type of the girls/women, thanks to our media. The media has played a huge part in promoting toxic masculinity and creating a very false idea of toxic men being one woman man. Now living in a society, one desires to be accepted and to be wanted, who would want to be a sympathetic, loving man?