Who Speaks to Whom: The Characters from the Unconscious?

Have you ever thought of cracking your skull open and checking how your last night’s dream or your perspectives, religion or beliefs appear physically? Well, no power on Earth can really stop you to do this but let me needle your bubble: you are not going to find those lovey-dovey, flowery, creamy and rainbow-like thoughts, but a walnut shaped organ, which is mononymously referred to as “brain”. Consisting of multiple nexus of nerves, the human brain controls us; Surprise! We control our brains too. Confusing? Isn’t it?

Let us narrow down the afore-mentioned point: our mind holds millions of memories, and abundance of information; and that information varies from person to person i.e., highly subjective, as it encompasses exclusive experiences, traumas, moments, and emotions etc. Certainly, this is why every person is an “individual” --- wholly different. Having said that, everyone perceives everything inversely, and looks at the world in a unique way. What if I told you that when I uttered the word “world”, each one of you construed it differently, your mind would straight-away paint a picture: maybe somebody’s mind came up with the image of the family portrait that he/she has placed beside his/her bed, some might have encountered anger in his head, or some might be smiling at the moment. Our world is the projection of our own mind. It shows us what we have stored, and sometimes, we interact or handle new situations from the place of saved information.

Childhood experiences have a major influence on how we witness our “world” in the present. A child is a clean slate, and is in absorbing mode—it swallows everything from the environment. His relationship with primary caregivers constructs his reality and this way, his process is kicked off: new characters are introduced in his inner world, not necessarily as same as they appear to be in the external world, for example, if mommy is holding the child with care and love, but suddenly she remembers that she didn’t turn off the stove, she just throws the child in hurry, rushes to the kitchen; you know what message has been delivered to the baby? “Mommy doesn’t love me”, and Ta-Da…. This becomes his inner reality, however in the external world, mommy loves the baby. Did you see the contrast in both the worlds? Same character, but different positions. Taking this example further, the child will establish his bond with mommy on the basis of his inner reality i.e., he might see his mommy as an unsafe place.

Similarly, if a child has a dismissive father, he would get hurt or rejected, and therefore, the character of an ignorant father will be featured in his mind. Having said that, he is going to see his father through his inner world, and he maybe, would get uncomfortable (unconsciously) around his father’s presence. Even when he grows up, and if father becomes responsive and caring, the person still would see him through the same lens. Again, note the contradiction in both the worlds. This is how internalized characters can shape your world in tremendously diverse ways. That’s why everything--- every relationship, idea, belief, perspective, emotion is subjective.

The process takes a captivating turn when our internalized characters translate into our external environment as an adult unconsciously. For instance, the boy, who had an ignorant father in his childhood, comes across an ignorant girlfriend; higher are the chances that he would get uncomfortable with the same intensity as he would get around his father as a child. You know what that means? He sees his father in his girlfriend, and this all happens on a very unconscious level. However, this is just one example, we internalize plenty of characters in our childhood, and we see the world through them. This is why the first question in therapy is asked, “Who does a particular person become for you in a particular situation?”. Sometimes, we over-perform to get appreciation from our boss (on the conscious level), but we might be interacting with our “unhappy, demanding parents/caregivers” (unconsciously).

Let that sink in! Take a deep breath, and gradually give it a thought, you might be able to figure out the behavioral patterns in your life with other people. You interact with a plethora of people every day, but maybe you interact with the characters that reside in you. It is indispensable to recognize “who speaks to whom”; this can save you from recreating your wounds, and can also help you in breaking the toxic and draining cycle. Be compassionate towards yourself and appreciate yourself for diving into the deep, complex ocean of your “mind”. The Psychoanalytic theory “Object Relations” talks about this phenomenon in detail, which can be insightful.