Red Flags to Watch Out for in Your Partner

His Bilawal Bhutto impressions make you laugh, and your stomach flips when he texts. Yet, some things have made you raise an eyebrow like the way she becomes instantly withdrawn when you ask her about her previous relationships, or the way he is evasive about aspects of his life. Sure, you can brush off these behaviors from time to time, but the frequency with which they are happening is making you wonder, “Are these relationship red flags?” Spoiler alert: Yes.

When you're with someone (whether it's dating, engagement or marriage), the romance and excitement of the "honeymoon phase" can blind you, and you may not be aware of the warning signs. Red flags like constant put-downs can signal a kind of emotional abuse, which is relatively common.

Here are a few delineated red flags to watch out for in your partner:

1.    Mismatched Goals

If your relationship goals are at odds, this could be a sign that it’s time to walk away. While this is less of a red flag in the sense it’s a personal issue to work on, it is a red flag for the future of your relationship. Misaligned relationship goals include where you want to live, whether you want to have children, and how you plan to tackle finances?

2. Persistent Jealousy and Mistrust

Often, the red flag of a very insecure partner looks like care and attentiveness at the start of a relationship, but there’s an underlying control problem beneath all the attention. Later in the relationship, it’s easier to look back and reinterpret that constant attention or overboard generosity as desperate insecurity.

3. History of Infidelity

Relationships warrant trust to flourish. If your partner has a background of infidelity, it’s important to proceed with caution rather than haste. Even if your partner has demonstrated change, you must be candid with yourself if you feel comfortable pursuing the relationship, knowing they have a history of cheating. Some people may not be bothered by this, but if you are, then recognizing this factor will affect your ability to trust your partner completely.

4. Controlling Nature

In today’s patriarchal norms, having a dominant partner pairing with a submissive one is thought as a good match. Not so. A partner who is controlling in any way likely has deep personal issues they must work on. Rethink your relationship if your partner tries to control who you see, who you talk to, where you go, how you spend your money, what you do online, what your body looks like, what you eat, or even what you wear?

5. They Give You all Their Time

When a partner doesn’t have other relationships (friends or colleagues they socialize with), hobbies, or aims, that is a recipe for an unhealthy, unfulfilling relationship. When each party has its own sense of self, it can enrich your individual selves and your bond. If someone relies on you entirely and always for their sense of happiness and entertainment, that can lead to feelings of suffocation, resentment, and unhappiness.  

6. No Emotional Intimacy

One of the best parts of being in a romantic relationship is connecting deeply and sincerely with another person. For some, emotional intimacy is challenging but it should always be the goal. A partner who shows no interest in opening up and bonding is a death knell for a relationship.

As a final note, when it comes to red flags, in some cases, it might make sense to try to salvage your bond, but if your partner shows no sign of self-correction then it is probably best to walk away. If you ever struggle with knowing what to do, speaking with a therapist can help.