Hope and Strength: My Journey through Marriage and Migration

Do you ever feel like you are buried within the burden of circumstances of time or people around at the cost of love? Some call it phases of life, a way of mental psychology to deal with the circumstances and people around. It may be Karma or Destiny. One thing is common in all of the above that life and time never stop for anybody either it would make or break you.

When you feel over spilled you want to dig out the graveyard of your own soul version to realize how far you have come? Exactly this was spinning in my mind when I was waiting for my interview with token Number 0729 at the sitting lobby of the U.S. consulate general in Mumbai. All my blood got cold, my heartbeat was racing against my wrist watch’s tik -tik. With every deep breath I was releasing that I am into the cage called a marriage institution, where you have to detach yourself from the identity you were with since your birth. With a very next moment to the marriage ritual you start writing a new surname. Your siblings, friends, career goals just become footprints of your life journey. Within a blink of an eye we start calling someone else's parents our own parents. we need to please new siblings, maybe we just met them twice. Choices of basics of food eating habits, cooking methods, ethics of wearing clothes, aesthetics of table manners to what you dream of became not even secondary but the last. Your soul caged into real time running cameras of new family and relatives where someone's new phases of life become candid gossip and entertainment footage. 

Every moment you just think of hope and I was doing the same - search for hope as my life’s central character shifted from “ME” to “YOU” called husband. Where there should be love and blessings in the air,gossip, rumors with sweet honey words were there in such a sophisticated way that a soul cannot even urges for any ice breaking truth as saying truth is bitter always and straightforwardness bitter is not allowed in marriage constitution as relationships are made of love and love is blind. And it’s obvious in my chapter of marriage as my hope, my husband was into the United States of America and I was battling against my innocence of individuality, soul questions, to every obstacle or society trolls alone in India while a mental killing phase known as the visa process. 

Unknowingly started feeling like a refugee whose soul doesn't want to go through such a dark tunnel but is forced by a time situation to travel by it. Adopting a new territory with a hope of meeting your husband who stays overseas where even the sun and moon knock the doors with the latency of a day & night created dark circles under my eyes with so many parallel tracks of two countries to deal with.I learnt to live with a husband who visits you only 10 days in a year. I started respecting soldiers more as I came to understand how it feels to be aways from your husband and legal rules become priority of life and we need to accept it as normality to survive and love life no matter how it seems to be. 

As a human being you start feeling that you are in love with a smartphone not with any person as distance relationship is all about living every moment with virtual platforms. Documentation and lawful processes scratch two souls in such a way that a newly married couple just grind their emotions in the mixer of practicality. They both enter into a new zone of life where it's difficult to balance one’s own emotions while dealing with the exploration of a partner with homely responsibilities and of each other’s too. But when you are putting efforts with a pure heart the universe starts channeling you with a natural drive force to sail you to the door bridging to the next level of your life. And here once again I am thankful to YOGA , MEDITATION and its SPIRITUALISM to keep my soul’s innocence as it is.I realized god knows the best,he has his own universal management for every human soul he created. 

With every passing day and night my soul energy gets depleted, feeling more shrinked, scratched with so many questions which don’t have any answers that where life is leading you, why and to what extent. Here I was draining, the academics of YOGA-MEDITATION under trained instructors, group chantings-prayers,daily asanas,visualization of goals, where one learns to balance external and internal both the personality trait of oneself with discipline was the one and only thing supported me with a natural drive force to keep moving with ups and downs. Learning the art of living happily on your own is not easy. Doing asanas to calm down anger or to generate happy hormones, daily quick alternate nostril breathing techniques to calm yourself to relieve from stress to continue with the task in hand, meditation to reflex inward to quieten monkey mind, spiritual fact theories to know more about the self soul and materialistic world.Chantings, affirmations to keep yourself mentally and physically healthy. When we keep moving with nothingness with all the efforts without thinking about the results with a thought that - I played my part with all the efforts from my end as per circumstance and potential, rest needs to be left on a universal divine power whether you think it's not my cup of tea.

Suddenly I heard an announcement of calling my token number at counter number 7. Within 30 to 40 minutes of the interview session I left from the counter with numbness choking all my blood into blue. At the exit gate I met my husband who came for my interview waiting outside and asked-did you get the visa approval? I was only able to share the approval receipt to him without any words as that was the only door to continue this marriage together. He thought I was so happy that I was not able to express it. But actually as a human being when you go through so much mentally, emotionally, socially, financially, spiritually you learn that life would be like this and you have to fight your own battles. Nobody would play your character in the best way as you would. Suddenly you become neutral to the external world. We feel the same in both good and bad situations which is called “ART OF BALANCING SOUL” in yoga.“Sometimes when you’re in a dark place you think you’ve been buried, but you’ve actually been planted to grow yourself in a new version.”